Thursday, June 21, 2007
Friday, June 15, 2007
Mary
My first date with my girlfriend, Mary Nazaryan, was an evening where I was unfortunately sick; however, I claim she is the reason why I haven’t got sick ever since. It was a night I will never forget, not because of our first kiss or our first moments being together, but because of the warm hug I received when she approached me. Her eyes were filled with excitement as she ran towards me, leaping into my arms. I had never seen a woman more beautiful than she did that night.
How do I describe the way I feel about Mary? I will never be able to find the words to do so. Unfortunately, I will not be able to completely release my emotions in this letter, because I won’t be able to find the right words. Perfect is a standard we set amongst ourselves, however… I can’t finish this letter. I can’t find the right words. I can’t describe to you how much I care for and love this girl. I will never be able to. No movie, or love story, novel or film will be able to depict the passion I feel for Mary. It is unfeasible to describe how I feel, and therefore, more so unattainable to put it into words. I will never be able to. The world will be blind to my story, and no one, except for I, will understand how I truly feel. No one… Not even Mary Nazaryan herself.
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Music
Music is not a priority for me, because making music my life, leads to an unhealthy balance.
I can't afford to spend every second I have and concentrating only on music. Doing that does not allow me to focus on my education, work, nor does it leave time for a personal life. Many people still don't exactly know why I make music. I began hoping I could make something from music, but as the years passed, I realized I was chasing a dream I might not be happy with. Anyone who knows the slightest bit about the music industry knows how frustrating it is to deal with record labels and deals. Even if you are offered a contract and the opportunity to sign with a record label, the artist ends up receiving nothing. You basically sign your life away, which I will never allow.
I no longer chase the opportunity of getting signed to a record label. Any promotion I do is to merely catch the attention of those who I think should hear my music. The reason I started making music was to express myself and have people hear about my life. That is why I promote myself, to have as many people as possible, open their ears to my music. However, if I am offered the chance to sign a deal, I won't reject it. If the deal is decent, I will work with it. But I'm not selling my soul to gain nothing.
No longer will I chase after deadlines, because that affects my personal life. I choose to not fall back behind in my education, just to make an album. I have announced July 7, 2007 as the official day to release my album, but due to my beliefs, my debut album currently has no release date. I may or may not finish the album by then, therefore, I am not setting anything in stone. I will simply finish when I have time. I need to focus my full attention on getting to where I need with my school, and still make time to be with friends and family. That's the most important thing right now.
If you don't know, now you know.
I can't afford to spend every second I have and concentrating only on music. Doing that does not allow me to focus on my education, work, nor does it leave time for a personal life. Many people still don't exactly know why I make music. I began hoping I could make something from music, but as the years passed, I realized I was chasing a dream I might not be happy with. Anyone who knows the slightest bit about the music industry knows how frustrating it is to deal with record labels and deals. Even if you are offered a contract and the opportunity to sign with a record label, the artist ends up receiving nothing. You basically sign your life away, which I will never allow.
I no longer chase the opportunity of getting signed to a record label. Any promotion I do is to merely catch the attention of those who I think should hear my music. The reason I started making music was to express myself and have people hear about my life. That is why I promote myself, to have as many people as possible, open their ears to my music. However, if I am offered the chance to sign a deal, I won't reject it. If the deal is decent, I will work with it. But I'm not selling my soul to gain nothing.
No longer will I chase after deadlines, because that affects my personal life. I choose to not fall back behind in my education, just to make an album. I have announced July 7, 2007 as the official day to release my album, but due to my beliefs, my debut album currently has no release date. I may or may not finish the album by then, therefore, I am not setting anything in stone. I will simply finish when I have time. I need to focus my full attention on getting to where I need with my school, and still make time to be with friends and family. That's the most important thing right now.
If you don't know, now you know.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Change
I recently received a letter in the mail, from Armen Karaoghlanian, which was written over three years ago. Let me explain.
In my Junior year of High School, one of the most inspirational teachers I have ever had, suggested we all write ourselves letters as a project. The idea was we would write about our lives at that current moment, talk about our situations with school and life, and our goals in the future. She would later keep them in her room and mail them to us three years later. I hadn't completely forgotten about the letter, in the last three years, I had remembered it a few times - most recently a few weeks ago. I was anticipating receiving it, as I had remembered it was due for Spring 2007.
The letter ended up at my uncle's house, because I had listed him as the return address, just in case I moved. Confused, he handed me the letter and asked what it was. I immediately dug into it and sat in my car to ride it. It felt like it was a letter from a previous lifetime, so much has changed, as I had imagined. Surprisingly enough I made a comment telling myself I could not picture my life a few months from that moment - let alone three years.
I felt the pain in my words, worried about what life would hold after graduation. So many problems with school, family, money and girls. Reading back, I have realized how much I have changed. During those three years, in my opinion, I underwent serious change and matured. I changed my set of beliefs, for the better, and today, I am nothing like the 2004 Armen Karaoghlanian. My life is headed on the right path, with my education and family, and I have even found the special person in my life.
If someone was to tell me my life would be the way it is today, I would not be able to believe it. I am glad I haven't wasted those few years, and haven't disappointed my family. I will continue to grow and make those around me proud.
Monday, February 26, 2007
Happiness
In what seemed like an impossible attempt to define happiness, I set forward a simple question amongst friends and family.
"What does happiness mean to you?"
Their answers were quite exceptional, as each individual’s response was distinctive and personal. I was, however, in disbelief when I then asked, "Are you happy?"
"Happiness is when I have nothing to worry about, even if it is just for two minutes. No, I am not happy, but I try to be. I think I am only happy when I want to be, and sometimes, it's done for comfort."
"Feeling good enough about one thing to make you ignore the rest. No, I'm never happy because I think happiness has been categorized as an overall feeling and I'm never, overall, satisfied."
"When the people I love are happy, when love strikes you when you least expect it and you receive the same kind of love in return, when the simplest thing like hearing his name makes you smile. Yes, I am happy, because although there may be the day-to-day problems and obstacles I am faced with throughout my life, I know that with hope and faith those obstacles will be overcome with the happiness I am yet to see."
"One will never be happy if they continue to search what happiness consists of. Happiness to me is when you love someone and you are loved back. That is true happiness. Although I find happiness in a lot of things; a simple smile, waking up knowing I have the health to go on another day. Life consists of many moments of happiness, but you should never look for it - it will find you and consider yourself blessed to have happiness in your pure heart, with a loved one, with family or a sibling. Currently, I am happy. Reason to why is because all that I listed that are considered the happiness I have, therefore I consider myself happy."
"Happiness is a concept that is defined by a given individual. To define happiness properly, I would say that you would need to break it down into several subcategories: Work, Life, Romance, etc. To me, happiness is composed of having a good family - parents, brothers/sisters, and wife/husband. Happiness is realized when one realizes and appreciates the things that they have in their lives and not concentrate on the things that they do not have. This is a great mental shift which I don't think many people are prepared for. To realize that you do not need to have a luxury car to make you happy, that you do not have to make millions of dollars to make you happy. Happiness comes from the smaller things in life which are not seen and appreciated by most. For instance, human nature is such that we set goals for ourselves, but sometimes the goals we set forward are not realistic, or are too much to handle. When we fail to meet these goals, we get frustrated and it affects our happiness. We should learn from our mistakes, adjust our goals, and maybe be a little more realistic, so that next time, we have a better chance at succeeding and getting closer to our happiness. So to be truly happy, you need to be realistic in your life."
Others mentioned happiness to them is unexplainable; however, it is what makes them feel secure. Happiness provokes your outer being, but revokes your inner self. Another individual suggested happiness is peace of mind; yet they could not find themselves to be happy because happiness to them felt temporary. Good events in their life have seemed to come and go quickly, leaving them feeling the emotion for a short while.
Happiness is an emotional state that is characterized by feelings of enjoyment and satisfaction. It has been pursued by us all, yet we place an importance on the emotion, and allow ourselves to lose focus of its true meaning. To understand what true happiness is, we must realize happiness is a matter of experience. You should not search for happiness, and look for it in materialistic objects. We must realize happiness lies within our heart and soul. The definition of happiness varies amongst the individual, as we all have our own standards and understandings. One man's trash is another man's treasure. One man's pain is another man's pleasure. Regardless of what happiness means to you, we should remember to always be grateful for what we have. Happiness is not to be possessed, it is to be enjoyed and experienced.
In a series by Phillip Jose Farmer, titled "Riverworld", we learn about a man who has obtained the homes of resurectors. In that homestead, he lives alongside mosquitoes, heat and humidity. However, at the end of the day, he is able to retreat to his air-conditioned house. When asked why he would have such pests and uncomfortable conditions around him, in a world he is able to control, his answer was profound. He explains if we do not know what misery is, how can we tell what Eden is? To be surrounded by the things we hate, and then resorting to a house you can call your own, makes you truly realize happiness. According to the man, happiness is escaping misery. It is not a person, place or thing. We cannot appreciate it, or understand it, until we know what the exact opposite is.
I never thought I would understand what true happiness meant. For some reason, I was never completely happy with my life. I let certain things in my life hold me down and keep me away from being positive. Growing older, I have realized how fortunate I really am. I have started appreciating life and looking at it in a different perspective. What once used to keep me from being happy is now looked at as the opposite. I let the happiness in my life empower the negative. So, what does happiness mean to me? I have already made it clear happiness is an experience we cannot describe, as it has a different meaning to us all. However, to me, it is the thought of no worries. Happiness is what helps you get through your day and motivates you to keep smiling, even though not everything in life is perfect. Happiness means being around my loved ones, and seeing them experience the same indescribable emotion. Happiness lets you not care about the minor setbacks in your life, and helps you appreciate everything that is pure. It helps you open your eyes to what is good in your life, instead of focusing on what's bad.
The question still stands, "Am I happy?"
Saying I am happy with my life would be an understatement. I could not ask for more, as I have the perfect family and a wonderful girlfriend. I always keep my head up high and hope for a bright future, because I believe in myself and know I can achieve what I put my mind to. If I was to think negative and be unappreciative of the things in my life, I would never experience the joys of happiness. For those who wish to finally smile, they need to realize they must set realistic goals for themselves, as one of our answers above read. We must always smile and keep hope alive, for anything in life is possible, even reaching true happiness.
I would like to thank those who shared their views and helped me piece together this journal.
"What does happiness mean to you?"
Their answers were quite exceptional, as each individual’s response was distinctive and personal. I was, however, in disbelief when I then asked, "Are you happy?"
"Happiness is when I have nothing to worry about, even if it is just for two minutes. No, I am not happy, but I try to be. I think I am only happy when I want to be, and sometimes, it's done for comfort."
"Feeling good enough about one thing to make you ignore the rest. No, I'm never happy because I think happiness has been categorized as an overall feeling and I'm never, overall, satisfied."
"When the people I love are happy, when love strikes you when you least expect it and you receive the same kind of love in return, when the simplest thing like hearing his name makes you smile. Yes, I am happy, because although there may be the day-to-day problems and obstacles I am faced with throughout my life, I know that with hope and faith those obstacles will be overcome with the happiness I am yet to see."
"One will never be happy if they continue to search what happiness consists of. Happiness to me is when you love someone and you are loved back. That is true happiness. Although I find happiness in a lot of things; a simple smile, waking up knowing I have the health to go on another day. Life consists of many moments of happiness, but you should never look for it - it will find you and consider yourself blessed to have happiness in your pure heart, with a loved one, with family or a sibling. Currently, I am happy. Reason to why is because all that I listed that are considered the happiness I have, therefore I consider myself happy."
"Happiness is a concept that is defined by a given individual. To define happiness properly, I would say that you would need to break it down into several subcategories: Work, Life, Romance, etc. To me, happiness is composed of having a good family - parents, brothers/sisters, and wife/husband. Happiness is realized when one realizes and appreciates the things that they have in their lives and not concentrate on the things that they do not have. This is a great mental shift which I don't think many people are prepared for. To realize that you do not need to have a luxury car to make you happy, that you do not have to make millions of dollars to make you happy. Happiness comes from the smaller things in life which are not seen and appreciated by most. For instance, human nature is such that we set goals for ourselves, but sometimes the goals we set forward are not realistic, or are too much to handle. When we fail to meet these goals, we get frustrated and it affects our happiness. We should learn from our mistakes, adjust our goals, and maybe be a little more realistic, so that next time, we have a better chance at succeeding and getting closer to our happiness. So to be truly happy, you need to be realistic in your life."
Others mentioned happiness to them is unexplainable; however, it is what makes them feel secure. Happiness provokes your outer being, but revokes your inner self. Another individual suggested happiness is peace of mind; yet they could not find themselves to be happy because happiness to them felt temporary. Good events in their life have seemed to come and go quickly, leaving them feeling the emotion for a short while.
Happiness is an emotional state that is characterized by feelings of enjoyment and satisfaction. It has been pursued by us all, yet we place an importance on the emotion, and allow ourselves to lose focus of its true meaning. To understand what true happiness is, we must realize happiness is a matter of experience. You should not search for happiness, and look for it in materialistic objects. We must realize happiness lies within our heart and soul. The definition of happiness varies amongst the individual, as we all have our own standards and understandings. One man's trash is another man's treasure. One man's pain is another man's pleasure. Regardless of what happiness means to you, we should remember to always be grateful for what we have. Happiness is not to be possessed, it is to be enjoyed and experienced.
In a series by Phillip Jose Farmer, titled "Riverworld", we learn about a man who has obtained the homes of resurectors. In that homestead, he lives alongside mosquitoes, heat and humidity. However, at the end of the day, he is able to retreat to his air-conditioned house. When asked why he would have such pests and uncomfortable conditions around him, in a world he is able to control, his answer was profound. He explains if we do not know what misery is, how can we tell what Eden is? To be surrounded by the things we hate, and then resorting to a house you can call your own, makes you truly realize happiness. According to the man, happiness is escaping misery. It is not a person, place or thing. We cannot appreciate it, or understand it, until we know what the exact opposite is.
I never thought I would understand what true happiness meant. For some reason, I was never completely happy with my life. I let certain things in my life hold me down and keep me away from being positive. Growing older, I have realized how fortunate I really am. I have started appreciating life and looking at it in a different perspective. What once used to keep me from being happy is now looked at as the opposite. I let the happiness in my life empower the negative. So, what does happiness mean to me? I have already made it clear happiness is an experience we cannot describe, as it has a different meaning to us all. However, to me, it is the thought of no worries. Happiness is what helps you get through your day and motivates you to keep smiling, even though not everything in life is perfect. Happiness means being around my loved ones, and seeing them experience the same indescribable emotion. Happiness lets you not care about the minor setbacks in your life, and helps you appreciate everything that is pure. It helps you open your eyes to what is good in your life, instead of focusing on what's bad.
The question still stands, "Am I happy?"
Saying I am happy with my life would be an understatement. I could not ask for more, as I have the perfect family and a wonderful girlfriend. I always keep my head up high and hope for a bright future, because I believe in myself and know I can achieve what I put my mind to. If I was to think negative and be unappreciative of the things in my life, I would never experience the joys of happiness. For those who wish to finally smile, they need to realize they must set realistic goals for themselves, as one of our answers above read. We must always smile and keep hope alive, for anything in life is possible, even reaching true happiness.
I would like to thank those who shared their views and helped me piece together this journal.
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Indescribable
Love is an indescribable emotion and experience intertwined with a sense of strong affection a person feels for another soul. Love binds humanity together, letting us experience emotions beyond our imagination. It also influences some of the most important decisions one can ever make. Love is worth living for, but ironically it is also worth dying for. It may lead to indescribable happiness, but may also open doors to unimaginable misery. Money can’t buy happiness, but love can find it for free. The Bible defines love as being God himself. John 4:8 states “God Is Love”. God is the epitome of love - in action and relation. It is impossible to find love, as love will only find you when you least expect it. Have you ever been in love? Many confuse their emotions, thinking they have been in love when they clearly have not.
Infatuation is the state of being completely carried away by unreasoning passion or addictive love. Passion is an involuntary emotional state in which a person feels an intense romantic desire for another person. Both infatuation and passion are often confused for “being in love”, but are clearly two different matters. Those who do not believe in love will live their life without ever experiencing such joy, in a crucial world of hate.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Reasoning
Sara Goldfarb: It's not the prizes, Harry. It doesn't make any difference if I win or lose. It's like a reason to get up in the morning. It's a reason to lose weight so I can be healthy. It's a reason to fit in the red dress. It's a reason to smile, already. It makes tomorrow alright. What have I got, Harry? Why should I even make the bed or wash the dishes? I do them, but why should I? I'm alone. Seymour's gone, you're gone, I have no one to take care of. Anybody. Everybody. What do I have? I'm lonely, Harry. I'm old.
Harry Goldfarb: You got friends, Ma. What --
Sara Goldfarb: It's not the same. You need someone to make for. No, Harry, I like how I feel this way. I like thinking about the red dress and the television...and your father and you. Now when I get the sun I smile.
The following dialogue is from Darren Aronofsky's film"Requiem for a Dream", quite possibly my favorite movie. The reason I introduced this specific scene from the movie is because of it's true meaning. A reason to wake up in the morning and live your life. Some may argue religion itself is a way for us to have something to live for. Maybe we believe in God, and live our lives by the bible, just to have a reason to be a better person. It gives us hope and strength to overcome our obstacles. While I do not agree religion is just this, I do believe it is important to be motivated.
Having a girlfriend or a boyfriend may even be a reason or a form of motivation for us. The beginning stages of starting a relationship - the rush of emotions, the constant smiles every time we think of our new found interest - could be looked at as a reason to have a brighter day. It can make us feel loved, and gives us the feeling somebody cares about you. It gives you strength to get through your day. Everything happens for a reason. Yes, the cliche phrase I have heard all my life is being incorporated in my current lifestyle. There is a reason behind everything we experience in our life. The mistakes we make, we learn from them. The pain we encounter helps us appreciate the better days. After the sun comes rain, but the sun wouldn't shine as bright if the rain hadn't had it's effect.
Harry Goldfarb: You got friends, Ma. What --
Sara Goldfarb: It's not the same. You need someone to make for. No, Harry, I like how I feel this way. I like thinking about the red dress and the television...and your father and you. Now when I get the sun I smile.
The following dialogue is from Darren Aronofsky's film"Requiem for a Dream", quite possibly my favorite movie. The reason I introduced this specific scene from the movie is because of it's true meaning. A reason to wake up in the morning and live your life. Some may argue religion itself is a way for us to have something to live for. Maybe we believe in God, and live our lives by the bible, just to have a reason to be a better person. It gives us hope and strength to overcome our obstacles. While I do not agree religion is just this, I do believe it is important to be motivated.
Having a girlfriend or a boyfriend may even be a reason or a form of motivation for us. The beginning stages of starting a relationship - the rush of emotions, the constant smiles every time we think of our new found interest - could be looked at as a reason to have a brighter day. It can make us feel loved, and gives us the feeling somebody cares about you. It gives you strength to get through your day. Everything happens for a reason. Yes, the cliche phrase I have heard all my life is being incorporated in my current lifestyle. There is a reason behind everything we experience in our life. The mistakes we make, we learn from them. The pain we encounter helps us appreciate the better days. After the sun comes rain, but the sun wouldn't shine as bright if the rain hadn't had it's effect.
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